As you think of that other person, make a list of everything you love or like about her or him. No one is all bad. Everyone has some qualities, so stretch yourself if you have to. Do not think about the issues at hand. Focus on the positive only, no matter what! It is all up to you.
The other person will change just because of how you see that person has changed. You don’t have to say a thing to him/her. Just silently focus on the positive even if it is a very small attribute like they are neat and tidy or they love animals or whatever. By mentally and emotionally aligning with the positive in your friend, partner,parent or child you literally invoke a higher version of them, and a higher version of the relationship.
When you choose to drop all judgments, rationalization and justifications, and take complete responsibility for the relationship, you have the power to heal that relationship and also create the best possible relationship that you can ever imagine.
Judgment can be tricky. We often do it without being aware that we are. We feel it when someone else is doing it to us. If someone is acting negatively to you, stop and look at yourself; where might you be judging? Even if you are not saying it, your energy always projects your thoughts and feelings.
I urge you to consciously be mindful of your own self judgment always, but more so when you are in the process of choosing to heal a relationship with someone. The more you self judge the more difficult it will be to get the results that you are aiming for in the healing of the relationship with the other. Letting go, seeing yourself as your very best self will set you free of your own self made prison that self judgment keeps you in.
From writings of Nanice Ellis and Claudette Chartrand